Misconception
by Antigone1
Summary: Obi-Wan is faced with yet another problem, though Qui seems to be the one getting the headache. Complete. (A parody off some...interesting, shall we say, speculation in my other fic, NOC)


Hey all. I have a small, one poster for you. It's a parody of my other fic NOC. A few people have mentioned that they believe Obi-Wan to be pregnant.Well, he's an outright version of Obi-Wan BELIEVING he is pregnant. Hope you enjoy.  
  
A shout-out THANK YOU is going to my beta, Athenerva, who did this at midnight, and did not miss a beat. Thanks, hun!  
  
And now…

* * *   


"Master, I don't feel so good."   
  
Qui-Gon looked up from his data pad in mild concern. Since being taken as a padawan a few months prior, Obi-Wan had successfully avoided any ailment that had wormed its way through the Temple, not prompting Qui-Gon to buff up on his bedside manner. The Jedi master had known it was too good to last.   
  
A quick glance over Obi-Wan revealed his apprentice, standing in the entrance to the common room – a good sign, his standing, in and of itself - with a quite sour expression lying heavy on his face. Qui-Gon sighed. As long as Obi-Wan weren't dying, he could handle it. He'd seen two other padawans through colds, the 'flu, food poisonings, rashes, pneumonia, and a particularly nasty strain of Remulian stomach virus, collectively; there was very little that could top that.   
  
"What's wrong, Padawan?"   
  
"It's my stomach…"   
  
Stomach? Stomach problems he could handle, though they tended to be on the messy side as illnesses go.   
  
"I think I'm pregnant."   
  
Taken aback, the only thing keeping an impromptu chuckle stifled in Qui-Gon's chest was the impression that his padawan spoke in all seriousness.   
  
"Obi-Wan," the master began, taking care that only the slightest measure of amusement was to be found in his voice, "I don't think you're…pregnant."   
  
Obi-Wan's eyes widened and a hand instinctively pressed itself against his abdomen, as if to lend credence to his self-diagnosis, "No, Master, I know these things, and I am."   
  
Qui-Gon shook his head, "No, padawan, you're not. You're a human boy, and human Iboys/I do not have children, not physically."   
  
Indignation briefly flashed across the boy's features, "Master Tuval is a boy, and he says he's had children."   
  
"Padawan," Qui-Gon paused a moment, scrunching his forehead slightly, "Master Tuval is a woman."   
  
"With all due respect, Master, you're wrong. There's no way Master Tuval could be a woman. He's just so – not womanly shaped. And when he talks he just doesn't sound…Master, he Ican't/I be a woman!"   
  
"I assure you, Padawan mine, she can and is." Qui-Gon thanked the Force Obi had this debate with him, rather than with Master Tuval hims-herself. Though, honestly he could not fault the boy's assumption. Master Tuval had never been one of the more – feminine Temple females.   
  
"But, Master – Master Tuval aside – boys Ican/I have children."   
  
Qui-Gon sighed, "Why do you say that, Obi-Wan?"   
  
"Master Hilum. She said that every member of a species can give birth."   
  
"Master Hilum, your being growth and development instructor?"   
  
Obi-Wan nodded, and the whole situation was suddenly placed in a clearer light. Now, Qui-Gon had to undo the damage that had been done. "Padawan, only in Isome/i species can every member have children – unisex species, where there are no genders."   
  
"But, Master, my back hurts and me feet feel as if they are about to fall off. That happens when you're pregnant." Obi-Wan spoke with an authoritative knowledge on the subject.   
  
"Obi-Wan, you've just come back from a three day sparring camp. Of course you are going to be sore."   
  
"But, I've gained weight. That happens when you're pregnant. I must keep my energy up for little Keelian," Obi-Wan said, patting his stomach.   
  
Qui-Gon raised an eyebrow, "You've named it?"   
  
"Her, and yes," the padawan shot his master an offended look, "When you feel the first kick, it's hard to keep calling your baby an 'it.'"   
  
This was going too far. "You felt – her – kick?"   
  
"Yup, during lunch. Then I felt the morning sickness, and knew for certain that I was going to have a baby." As he spoke, the initial mask of discomfort found its way back to his face, "You know, that really is a misnomer, morning sickness. You can get it at any time, day or night. Thank the Force this is the first time I've ever had it."   
  
Qui-Gon thought a moment before asking, "Padawan, how much did you eat for lunch?"   
  
Obi-Wan responded slowly, the thought of food pulling his attention to the rising nausea, "A few bowls of Nerian chili, some fruit, and some muja juice."   
.  
Ah, the source of the problem, "How many bowls, exactly, Padawan?"   
  
The boy hesitated a moment, thinking back, "Five…maybe six."   
  
Qui-Gon allowed himself a slight smile, "Obi-Wan, you're not pregnant. You just ate too much of that chili. Anything over one serving and you'll regret it for days."   
  
The edges of Obi-Wan's mouth pulled slightly into a confused frown, "But, everything happened that Master Hilum said would happen when you're going to have a baby."   
  
This time, Qui-Gon laughed outright, "It only appeared so, my Padawan." A new concern at the boys words, however, rose up quickly, "Obi-Wan, you haven't…you don't have a girlfriend – do you?"   
  
The padawan made another face, this one of disgust, "Ew, no! Why would I want one of those?"   
  
Qui-Gon released the breath he had been holding. Relieved that not Ieverything/I needed to produce a child had occurred, he spoke again, patting the cushion next to him – best to nip this in the bud before it became an actual problem, "Obi-Wan, come here, I think we need to have a talk." The master was fairly certain enduring nine months of Obi-Wan's complaints would have been less painful, but this had to be done. He waited for the apprentice to sit down – still clutching his stomach – before beginning, "When a man and a woman…"   



End file.
